Time

I'm feeling a little down this week. My baby is growing up! I only have one child. My daughter, Alanna, who is 13. I am unable to have any more children, so that makes the fact that my daughter is getting older even more difficult. Seems like she went from being a goofy kid to this sassy, smart, beautiful teenager pretty much over night. She has her first semi-formal dance tomorrow night. So, the last week has been spent getting her hair trimmed, eyebrows done, dress and shoe shopping, and nails done. Today was the first time I let her get acrylic nails. I think that is kind of a milestone for girls...getting fake nails. Seems silly, but it is. I still remember the first time I got them. Anyways, after going about 10 different places trying to find the perfect shoes to go with her dress, we finally found some today. She got home from getting her nails done and then went to try on the shoes with the dress to see how it looked together. OH MY GOSH!! She looked so grown up. I can't. I just can't.  I miss my baby girl. =(

It's been rough.....

Well it's been a while since I have written anything. I know that I should be using writing to express myself and get my emotions out. But the last few weeks, I have not wanted to get my emotions out. I have wanted to keep them inside. I have not wanted to feel. I haven't wanted to think about what's been going on. But I need to. I need to deal with it. I need to process it. Ok, so here goes. My mom, she is my best friend. I talk to her at least once a day, usually more. I tell her everything. She gives me advice when I need it, and just listens when I don't want advice. She knows me better than anything in this world. But lately, she hasn't been herself. She gets confused easily. She repeats things a lot. I mean, I am completely aware that as people get older their minds aren't as sharp. But this is different. I actually started noticing little small things here and there a couple of years ago and suggested that she talk to her dr. She told me that she did, and the dr. didn't seem concerned. He thought she was fine. She isn't fine!!!! It has gotten quite a bit worse. Other people have notice it; people that don't even see her that much have noticed that she isn't herself. My 92 year old grandmother even picked up on it. One day she said to me, "something is wrong with my daughter. Please help her!!" So, that's what I am doing; Trying to help her. But I don't know if I can help. I went to see her dr. with her and he said he would schedule an MRI. She had the MRI done and now she has been referred to a neurologist. Whatever was on the MRI gave her dr. enough concern to send her to a neurologist, so obviously, something is wrong. I'm pretty sure I know where this is going. My grandmother (dad's mother) was diagnosed with dementia several years ago. She doesn't even know who I am anymore. And this is how it started. Dementia, alzheimers, it's most likely one of the two. I have known several people who have had one of those and it started out exactly how she is acting now. I am trying not to project I am trying not to assume. But it's pretty damn scary. She is too young for this. She is only 68. I can't go through this with her. I just can't.